Monday, October 09, 2006

Today's word "emoción"

emocion= emotion.
Well this adoption process has definitely been emotional. I have been at some very highs, the day we got our referral, and in some very lows, those last few weeks in PGN. And although I am definitely at a high right now the emotional rollercoaster continues.
Like this past weekend, I have been so happy getting ready to pick her up and then Olivia got her first piece of mail. An invitation to a little Halloween party, thanks Aunt Chris and Emily, and to see her name on that envelope just made me cry. They were tears of joy. The joy that she will be here for Halloween and every holiday from now on. But I'm also sad for her foster family who will be saying goodbye to her this week. They have spent the last 5 months with her and I'm sure they will be so sad to see her go. I almost even feel guilty that I'm taking her away from them. I have heard that fostermothers consider it a privilege to take care of these babies, and that they are really happy that they are going to a good home. That makes me feel a little better.
Yet for the first time in this process I'm scared. Scared that I won't be good enough for her. Frightened that we will be bad parents. The other day Vinay came home from work to find me crying. When he asked me what's wrong I said, "what if we're not good at taking care of her". His answer, "Of course we're going to be bad, we don't know what we're doing". I laughed at this. "But we'll learn, and we'll get better". That why I married this wonderful man, for the comic relief, and for his wonderful heart.
So I guess we will learn and we will make mistakes, I have to be OK with that, but one thing is for sure, we will love that little girl more than we ever thought we could.

4 comments:

Alleen said...

Vinay is right. Of course you'll make mistakes. But, you'll learn and improve. And the love you both have will more than make up for those little mistakes.

Anonymous said...

hey nik...
when i had aidan, i was scared also for similar reasons that you are scared now. i was afraid i would make too many mistakes, that i would "mess" him up. a really good friend of mine said to me that all kids need is to be loved and to know that they are loved. mistakes show kids that we are human too and then it allows them to accept their own mistakes. that always helped me when i had bad days!!
love,
jamie

Holly G. said...

I got to see what you two can do first hand, in GC. You are ALREADY wonderful parents.

saragraffa said...

You've been taking care of Vinay for how many years now? And look how happy and loved he is! Olivia is so very lucky to have the both of you.