Here and safe

Hi everyone,
I am here and I am safe. With this report coming out yeaterday, Plane crash in Guatemala kills 10 - USATODAY.com Vinay got some calls, asking if I was ok. Thank God I called everyone yesterday so my family had to not worry.
Leaveing was very hard for me and yeaterday was full of tears.

I felt so bad leaving because Saturady afternoon, Olivia decised that for the first time she would climb out of her crib during nap time. I was devastated, I raelly didn´t think that was coming for awhile. Then going to bed she trew a fit and was screaming and crying in the room but after 5 min, she stopped. When I went in to check on her there she was sleeping face down outside of the crib. All I could think was how can I leave Vinay to all this, but i had to. So after a restless nights sleep I boarded the plane.

Arriving in Guatemala was bettersweet. I missed Liv so much and all the emotions of our pick up trip came flooding back. Jeremy from Casa Angelina´s staff and his family picked us up and that got my mind off things for the drive into Antigua. The hotel is beautiful, like something out of a movie. No iternet though.
So once I sat down to unpack and out fell some pictures of Liv and the tears just started. How could I come here without her. She should be with me on this trip. Well my Aunt gave me a hug and I tried to pull it together.

We went out in search of buying a cell phone, we did buy one, which made us fell a litttle more connected to home, boy is our spanish rusty. Then we went to eat at Cafe 2000, we had a glass of wine, and watched the movie "Breaking up With Sara Silverman", and it was just the laugh I needed to get me over my blues.
We were back at our hotel and in PJ´s by 7pm Time change plus the traveling, kicked our butt. Just as I was about to brush my teeth, all the lights went out. I screamed and jumped into my Aunts bed. What in the world, we thought we heard thunder, but just rain could cause a blackout of the hotel. by the time I lit a candle, the lights went on and all I could say was "thank you Jesus". Yes I am that much of a wimp. Well the night was uneventfull and we both had about 10 hours of sleep so I am in better spirits. Today is a free day, more of the mission team is arriving so we won´t be at the orphange till tomorrow.

I will try to upload pics tomorrow or the next. You really forget how wonderfull this country is untill you visit it again.

Hope to blog again, soon.
Nikki

Virus, stomach and computer

First and foremost thank you to everyone for their nice comments, emails, and calls. I know I am a big baby, and thanks for all the pep talks, you guys are fabulous

Yes we are infected.
My computer has had a virus since last week and McAfee does not want to get rid of it so I'm just living with it for now. I might have to ask for an early b-day present and get a new computer when I get home. This computer is old and Miss Liv took off a few of the keys, the enter and shift keys on the left side and the A, and I constantly eat while on the computer so there are crumbs stuck all in it, It's really a mess.

I think I also have a little stomach virus, up going to the bathroom all last night, and today my stomach is in pain. Not sure if it's something I ate or my nerves or a virus. So I'm just living with it for now also. I just hope Liv DOES NOT get it!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in awe of the donations that are coming in. Vinay's work each took a child's name and got them a gallon ziplock bag of goodies. My friends were in charge of getting needed things for the clinic Casa Angelina runs. Those have been coming in and wow everyone is just so generous. I didn't ask for donations on the blog because I knew that I would be overloaded with things and I would love for bloggers to concentrate on loading up Julia and http://globalorphanteam.blogspot.com/

So I am officially starting to pack!!!

T minus 6 days and counting!!!!!!

Oh selfish me!!!

Just when I should be focusing on leaving for my trip, I have immersed myself in everything but. I have been going crazy looking for a preschool for Olivia. Calling every school in a 20 mile radius, visiting schools, asking questions of the teachers, interviewing directors like Liv will be staying at the school till college. I mean come on she will be in a two year old class, all she is going to do is play.
I have also been surfing the Web for info about other mission trip. What other people did, who they went with, looking at pictures from their trip.

In other words I have totally created diversions for myself. Why? Because I am scared sh*tless. I am nervous about so many things, so let me just run with this and get it out of my system so that I can move on and get my act together.

I'm scared to leave Liv. I know she will be fine but I don't want to miss her. We are so attached at the hip, sometimes I feel like she is such a part of me, and that I am only half a person with out her. I am also wishing I could spend the week on vacation with Liv and Vinay. Vinay has been working so hard lately, and we haven't had much family time, and I would love to just have the time to hang out with them. I know it's a terrible way to think.

I'm scared to leave Vinay. It's been a long time since I've traveled without him. If things get rough, like the room next to ours is making too much noise, or I don't feel well and I need to find a DR, or I forgot to bring enough shirts, it's Vinay who makes it all better. He has been taking care of me for a long time and I'm scared to not have him by my side. The sad part is Vinay wanted to come with me, and I told him "No I need to do this for myself". Stupid move Nik

I'm scared to do hard labor. Now I am a hard worker, don't get me wrong. But real physical work, can be hard for me, I just don't have the stamina that a 30something woman should have. Partially because I don't work out, and partially because of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
My Aunt who is going with me is a hard worker too, but she is almost 60, and she has Epstein Barr Syndrome. What were we thinking signing up for this.

I'm scared of what it will do to me emotionally. I did see some of the poverty in Guatemala when we were picking up Liv, but I was in happy lala land of finally having my baby. This will be so much more, and I want it to be. But I know that once I have seen this I can't go back. Can't go back to thinking that everyone lives like us. Can't go on pretending that everyone has a stocked pantry like mine. Can't go on believing that everyone has the opportunity to live a good life. I know that I will forever be changed, and I'm scared to be changed.

I know that this is something I want to do, need to do, but the selfish part of me is so strong. I never pray for myself, I don't know why, I guess I don't want to be selfish, but I am praying lately, that I can do this.

Thanks for reading this rant, and seeing yet another horrible side of me.

Heavy hearted

A few days ago I came across this blog http://casadesion.blogspot.com/
It is by a woman who runs an orphanage in Guatemala. I haven't heard too too much about what is happening to the now unadoptable children, but this woman's blog does tell some of what is going on.


An excerpt from May 26
Sat. a gringo man, who works with handicapped children, came by our house to speak with us. He said he comes across children all the time who are handicapped ; don't have parents who can deal with it and need a place to go. Some are at death's door from malnourishment. There is a big orphanage that used to take the kids, but they have reported they can take no more until someone dies. Plus even tho this orphanage is very clean and the kids are well fed, they are left in cribs for 22 hours a day.

Today, the Pensa Libre--the big newspaper for the country--had a one page article on how the children are being abandoned and there is no where for them to go. With adoptions ended many orphanages are closing and are refusing to take the children. It is causing major problems in the cities. Especially no one wants the newborns. They, btw, are my favorites.

I am willing to take any and all of these kids, but need money and supplies and volunteers.It breaks my heart to see the pictures in the paper of the firefighters holding the infants and toddlers that no one wants. Or to think about the handicapped kids in their cribs 22 hours a day or starving to death in a hammock behind their family's shack. My heart is so sorrowful as I write this because I know I am just one person who can only do so much.


An excerpt from Feb 16
We have heard that there are many abandoned babies in the hospitals now that adoptions have closed down in Guatemala. We verified this from several sources. Our social worker will be talking with some of the hospital social workers on Mon. The orphanages that used to take them won't any more as they can not make money off adoption. We have also heard stories that some of the smaller orphanages are turning their kids into the government as they can not afford to keep going.


Gee Hillary Clinton, think of what 212 Million Dollars could have done for these children, instead of waisting it on a bid for the democratic nomination, which you knew you were going to loose anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How much does it cost to help?

As we all know the American economy is in a slump, to put it nicely. On every news station we hear over and over how much gas is, how retail sales are down, unemployment is up. You basically have to live under a rock to not know we are in a recession. But yet as I look around I still see so much excess in our country. I still had to wait in a long line for my decaf vanilla latte. I could not find a parking spot at the mall the other day, so somebody must be shopping.

Yes our economy is bad however, how much are we really doing without. As people complain about the cost of everything from fuel to food, I still feel that we, as a country, have so much to give. And so much more than other poor countries.
So here is a list of ways to help for under 25 dollars. That's it the cost of 2 movie tickets and a soda and popcorn, can help those less fortunate than us.

1) Give someone a Kiva Gift Certificate.
http://www.kiva.org/app.php?page=gift&action=giftPromotion
Great for teachers gifts, graduation gifts, or even Father's Day. This is a Micro lending website that helps people in impoverished countries to achieve economic Independence.

2) Buy 2 bags of coffee from http://www.saintscoffee.com/products.html
This can make another great gift, or just enjoy it yourself at home and save gas not having to drive to get a coffee. Saints Coffee gives 1/3 of it's net profits to organizations that improve the life of orphans.

3) Buy a shirt from http://www.tinyrockstar.com/
Some really cool designs, buy one for your kids or for a birthday gift.
For every shirt you buy they will donate enough to feed an orphan for a month.

4) Bid on an item from this cool ebay seller http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZcraftforchina
100% of the money goes to supporting orphans in China.
The jewelery on here is really nice and all handmade.

5) Donate to http://www.malarianomore.org/
Donate a bed net for 10 dollars. You can donate in someones name and send them an e card.
This was featured on American Idol.

If anyone has any other ideas please chime in.

Details

Some people have asked me about the details of my trip. And since my Aunts passport just came in this week I can finally buy my tickets to Guatemala.

I am going with a Ministry called "What Matters Most Ministry and Missions" to the orphanage Casa Angelina. The orphanage was started by Ivan Tait, and his goal is to put 1 million people in touch with 1 million orphans. You can find more information at
http://www.whatmattersmm.org/


The mission trip runs from August 24-30 and the orphanage is about an hour away from Antigua. While there I will be staying at a hotel in Antigua.

There is still room on this trip and if anyone is interested please email me or leave a comment, I'd love to have some blogger buddies join me.

I am also brushing up on my Spanish again so I might go back to my Spanish word of the day posts. I haven't decided yet.

Buenes Tardes Amigos!!!

The trip that almost wasn't

I haven't talked much about my mission trip because things were up in the air. When my Aunt told my Uncle that she wanted to go with me, he initialy told her it was too dangerous. Now has my Uncle ever been to Guatemala? No. Has my Uncle ever been out of the United States? No. So his thoughts on a mission trip were completely without any real facts. He only knew that going to a poor country could be dangerous. But then again we live right outside of New York City which is definitely dangerous and we go there all the time.



So when we thought that my Aunt would not be going with me, Vinay didn't think I should go alone. To be honest I was a little nervous to go alone but, I would have still gone. I was determined to go. So after some long talks with my Aunt and my Uncle, he finally agreed that it was ok to go. And that going with a mission group was safe.

To be honest I feel that I will be perfectly safe. I will be staying in Antigua and the orphanage is about an hour away.

I'm starting to get really excited about going. The more things come together the more I feel that this is what I'm suppose to be doing.

I was also happy that I could share this experience through a great new website.
http://www.redletterscampaign.com/

This organization is the doing of some great people including my blogger friend Angel.
It's a great place for people who want to do something to end extreme poverty, but don't know where to begin. If this website had been up months ago, I would have had a much easier time finding a mission trip to go on.

Exciting things to come

Well I finally got a makeover for my blog!!! So long overdue!!

Also some very exciting things going on with my Mission Trip.


I promise to fill everyone in later so stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I do more than pray?

Ever since starting Olivia's adoption I have wanted to go on a mission trip. I've always had this pull, that it was something I needed to do. Of course the adoption consumed my life and then once Olivia came home, life just sort of took over.

But every once and awhile I would get that pull again to go. But I never did it. To be honest I was scared. Scared to leave Vinay and Liv. Scared to do something on my own. Scared of how hard the work would be, that I wouldn't be able to hack it. Scared that I would get sick there. Scared of the hotel accommodations, I have actually changed rooms in hotels for many reasons, Last time it was because the room was too close to the elevator. Scared to leave my comfort zone. It's easier to just write a check, than to get personally involved. But I have to do more for these poor Guatemalan children than just pray.

This weekend I broke to news to Vinay, I am going on a mission trip this August. It is time to face my fears and do something.

I will be going with my aunt and with this ministry.

http://www.whatmattersmm.org/cgi-bin/gx.cgi/AppLogic+FTContentServer?pagename=FaithHighway/10000/6000/811IM/min_home

In a few months I will put out a supply list. Please be as generous as you can.

Here is the youtube video, that made me seriously consider going. It for a different ministry, but it really makes you think