Not too long ago I found out, through my adoption agencies message board, that it was possible to do a birth mother search. I had read other peoples posts about how the birth mother was found, and then you could send needed things to the birth mother. This non profit organization would also try to help the mother with donations and their services
Without hesitating I quickly emailed the woman from my agency, inquiring about how to do this, how much it would cost, the extent of contact I would have with the birth mother, etc.
When I told a friend about this, she paused for a moment and said, "Well wait a minute Nik, don't you think you should leave it up to Liv, to see if she even wants to find her birth mother, Maybe you should just wait till she's older and see if this is something she wants."
The truth is I didn't even think about what Liv would want. All I thought about was what my heart, my emotions, were telling me to do. In fact I think about Liv's birth mother often, every time she hits another milestone, or does something new or funny. I think of her when Liv is throwing a 2 year old tantrum, how would her birth mother handle this? Would her birth mother think I am spoiling Liv? Would she think I'm doing a good job raising Olivia?
All these things pop in my head from time to time, but lately , now two years after Liv has been home, what really occupies my thoughts is Liv's siblings. Olivia has 3 sisters and one brother all living with their Mother back in Guatemala. Her oldest sister is 12, her brother is 9, the other sister is 7 and the littlest one is 4. The oldest daughter goes to school the others don't. When I see Olivia curled up in her crib with 5 blankets, I wonder where they are sleeping. Are they begging for a tiny bit of food each day, when Olivia has her pick of the refrigerator anytime she wants. But lately as I am buying Liv Christmas presents, I think, what will Liv's birth families Christmas be like this year. Will their mother have to work, and the children be left at home alone. Do they believe that Santa will bring them something, when in truth there might be no money to buy food let alone a gift? There may not even be a house or a bed. Gifts might not even be a thought in their mind. They may need just basic food, water, and shelter.
Do I owe it to these children, Liv's brother and sisters to find their mother and try to help her anyway we can. Do I owe it to Liv to let it be her decision to find her birth family? Will Liv be mad at me in the future if I do the birth mother search? Will she be mad at me if I don't? I am haunted by these unanswered questions.
This I do know, whatever we decide to do, this Christmas I will be thinking about THEIR Christmas.